固化PIEE，追求千篇一律

浅论TOEFL、SAT等应试写作中的段落发展应对

上海新东方北美项目研发中心 钱小锋

图 1 段落发展批改范例

TOEFL、SAT等考试的作文部分是很多国内考生备考的重点，也是提分吃力的环节。和输入类科目听力、阅读的选择题不同，写作要求考生在有限时间内就给定话题下笔成文，做到观点明确，论证到位，有发展有组织，并且语言地道流畅甚至兼顾词句的多样性。这对母语是非英语的中国学生提出了很高的要求。很多同学费尽心机揣摩考官究竟喜欢见到什么样的文章，希望投其所好。也有同学苦恼于自己遇见一个对自己胃口的题目可以滔滔不绝，下笔千言，但换了一个自己不熟悉不擅长的题目就连一个完整的段落都憋不出来。在笔者看来，这样高低起伏的不稳定表现，其实是复习备考思路不请明确，缺少章法所致。妙手偶得对于复习意义不大，在备考过程中形成自己应对不同题目的固化方案，并保证自己通过练习能够在考场上处变不惊，稳定发挥才是关键。需要章法，可以借鉴参考美国大学学术英语写作中经典的P-I-E结构，稍作改动升级成P-I-E-E模式可以适应多数北美写作考试。需要了解出题者思路或判分规则，判分标准和高分范文值得细究。

近期一个TOEFL学生请我帮他看看作文，选了最近几个月长期徘徊在各大预测机经重点列表中的一道题目。

题目 Teaching is harder than it was in the past.

立场 Yes. Teaching is more challenging today than it was in the past.

我们关注这位同学的第二个主题段落。

Moreover, the society of the students has become more complex than the past which provide far more things that attract the attentions of students and cause teachers find harder to reach the same standard. Nowadays the development of electronic games and other types of games attract most of attentions of students and keep them away from studying. For example, I have a friend who used to be the top student of my school. He was recently attracted by the game of Electronic Arts and because of the attraction from the games his general score decreased 20%. According to his words, the games make him unable to focus on lessons and thinking about games all the time.

抛开诸如society of the students这样会引起歧义的表述不谈，这个段落是比较典型的接受过培训的国内学生会给出的段落。总分结构下段首主题句，统领整段内容，且分论点支持总论点。虽然主题句有些冗长，可以压缩得更精炼，但瑕不掩瑜。这位同学遵循了reasons followed by example的发展模式。例子含有细节，如Electronic Arts是全球领先的互动娱乐软件公司，开发出包括极品飞车、模拟城市在内多款广受欢迎的游戏，这样的设计真实而具有说服力。那么这样写是否可以呢?研究过TOEFL独立写作判分维度的同学会敏感地指出这个段落后半部分偏题了。需要论证的是teaching教是否变得更难，例子关注的是learning学是否受到干扰，这两者间的联系论述缺失。举例不是目的，目的是说服读者理解并接受作者的观点。如果例子不能说明对应的观点，就是无效的操作。参考第四版托福官方指南中独立写作的3分范文，看似相关的例子却搭配不到位的论证，所造成的问题一目了然。

当时给出了改进意见。如果小改，在例子后面增添一、两句话的总结，拉回主题即可。参考版本如下

图 2小幅改进版本及评语

如果条件允许，可以语言与内容一起升级

图 3 较大幅度改进版本

例证，例证，例子要详实，证明要到位。如何避免自己在构思细节时忘记主旨，进而造成例证失败?简单两招：1. 先例后证有总结：每次例子论述完成以后，加上两句话，总结例子+重述观点即可。见添加的最后一句which makes teaching today even more challenging，甚至可以很露骨的写成this examples shows that。。。

2. 盯着关键词设计细节：如果题干的关键词在例子论述过程中没有对应的内容设计，需要警惕。当然，teaching可以通过classroom activity design等多种细节或者teachers等不同关键词呼应。如果和“教”相关的细节全部缺失，则应当警惕论述是否偏离命题。

类似上述版本的段落设计很多参考了所谓的P-I-E结构。

point-总起论点

illustration-按照时间顺序叙述这个例子，注意细节、逻辑并适当点题

explanation-两句话总结例子加复述观点

这套结构在多个欧美大学学术写作课堂有所介绍，也是入手较为便捷的段落展开方法。可以参考《新东方SAT全真课堂》或者附录中的国外大学写作中心的网站资料。

如果对这个版本稍加细化，或许可以让操作更具备可操作性，于是有了P-I-E-E模型

图 4 PIEE段落发展模式

在PIEE模式下，Point是段落主题句，统领整段内容，既要对全文主题句形成直接支持，也要和其它分论点有效区别。Illustration1-2句，在更加微观的层面上论述本段观点，推进阐述，形成抽象度落差，即down shifting。最好在语言上也可以有同义改写实现表达多样化。Example例子的设计逻辑上要契合观点，内容上要有细节呼应其所要论证观点的关键词。最后的explanation完成从例子向证明的回归，快速总结，重申对应观点。PIEE模型作者另文描述。有同学可能会说，我有个朋友整个段落写例子，也得了不错的分数。一时、一地、一题或许可以，换一套题呢?模块化、流程化写作的好处是在养成习惯后，极大节约现场构思、临场发挥的时间，也帮助减少应试写作的水平波动。

P-I-E或者P-I-E-E结构在ETS及College Board阅读文章中屡见不鲜。对例证和观点对应的把握也有助于帮助同学解决阅读中遇到的问题。以美国高考SAT举例，OG官方指南上关于巴尔扎克的短篇誉满天下。

That nineteenth-century French novelist Honore de Balzac could be financially wise in his fiction while losing all his money in life was an irony duplicated in other matters. For instance, the very women who had been drawn to him by the penetrating intuition of the female heart that he showed in his novels were appalled to discover how insensitive and awkward the real man could be. It seems the true source of creation for Balzac was not sensitivity but imagination. Balzac's fiction originally sprang from an intuition he first discovered as a wretched little school boy locked in a dark closet of his boarding school: life is a prison, and only imagination can open its doors.

1. The example in lines 4-8 primarily suggests that

(A) Balzac's work was not especially popular among female readers

(B) Balzac could not write convincingly about financial matters

(C) Balzac's insights into character were not evident in his everyday life

(D) people who knew Balzac personally could not respect him as an artist

(E) readers had unreasonable expectations of Balzac the man

2. The author mentions Balzac's experience as a schoolboy in order to

(A) explain why Balzac was unable to conduct his financial affairs properly

(B) point out a possible source of Balzac's powerful imagination

(C) exonerate the boarding school for Balzac's lackluster performance

(D) foster the impression that Balzac was an unruly student

(E) depict the conditions of boarding school life during Balzac's youth

这是不是一个典型的P-I-E结构呢?如果你对这个短文的观点-例证对应充分把握，那么之后的两道题，无论是问主旨(point/explanation)，还是问修辞目的，应该都难不倒你了。如果阅读中考官提供的都是这样结构清晰，论证到位的文章，为什么写作的时候我们不直接拿过来借鉴呢?

参考文献

1. http://rwu.edu/academics/academic-services/tss/writing-center/resources

2. http://thinktank.arizona.edu/tutoring/writing

3. zhou《新东方SAT Essay全真课堂》

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